Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
