A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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