it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
