As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
