hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
