I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
