Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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