I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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