Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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