i already hear my dad disowning me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize