I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
