I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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