I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
