and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
