Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
