She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
