Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
