Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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