Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i've created a new STD.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize