We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
