my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
