She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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