i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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