life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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