I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize