Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
