Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
