it was like his penis was on wheels.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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