I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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