apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
