you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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