Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
