I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
