I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
