I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize