my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
