Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
