She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
