i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
