u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
