Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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