im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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