I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
