I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
