God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
