we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
