respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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