We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
