Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
