I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
