Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
