My room smells like vodka and shame
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
