u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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