Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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