I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
