Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
