you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
