Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize