After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
