Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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