i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
