This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize