Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
