Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
