sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
