2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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