Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
