I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
