At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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