Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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