The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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