If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
