Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
