In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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