Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have fence marks all over my body
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
