so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You made out with two different species that night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
