I haven't been this sober since birth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
