meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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