I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
