so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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