would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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