Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
